An Actor's Story.

Taking actions to protect yourself so you can do your work is good.

Being dogmatic usually not.

My recent audition experience as an actor shone a bright light on that.

I don’t read breakdowns as they divert me and the three unplayable adjectives bore in my mind like a buzzing bee. Fine. That’s part of my process and I stand behind it.

It’s specific and mine and I like it. 

I can suss out the genre, the point of the scene and the job of my character by reading the text. But, this time I didn’t let that be my guide.

I peeked at the breakdown and read two adjectives. The text was warm and eloquent, but my two adjectives were cold and ruthless. I jammed the scenes against the writing and jammed my playing against the writing. 

But, dogmatically, I wasn’t going to go back and read the whole breakdown. I knew better.

As soon as I got home I did read the whole description and the first three adjectives were warm, eloquent, charismatic. Further in the description it says a ruthless side. 

That’s the bit I peeked at.

Then, and this makes it a real actor’s story, casting sent my agent a note saying John did a good job and could he re-do the audition but make the character warmer.

I guess if I get cast it will be a happy ending. I may get cast – I might not. I might not have got a second audition.

What lesson is here?

My colleague said, ‘If you peek at a breakdown you have to read all the breakdown.” That’s funny and apt, but probably not the lesson.

I didn’t let what I know – text and its guide to playing – be my guide. And, I didn’t stick to my guns by not reading the breakdown.

It felt like I followed an old, negative pattern in my brain that I could see clear as day when I read the whole breakdown. Hard to describe what that pattern is, but I knew it like an old friend. An old friend I don’t want to see anymore.

Also, seems like there was dogmatism there. Me insisting I’m right – trying to force the text against its will – despite the quality of the text in front of me.

It’s a difficult life being an actor. Auditions remain difficult throughout our career.